Oftentimes, we mistake reconciliation for forgiveness. We think that when we are asked to forgive, it is equivalent to going back to what it once was before. This is not forgiveness but reconciliation. Moreover, there are conditions that must be met before the reconciliation, and such was instructed by Jesus today. Before we go to this, it is important to know what forgiveness means first. Sins committed against us are like debts. When we are hurt, the natural tendency is to hold on to that hurt, and to remember them – taking them against the one who hurt us. There is a subsequent desire to be repaid for what someone did to us. Forgiveness can be done first between God and the one hurt. It is basically letting go of sins and “debts” of others against us, not taking the hurt against them anymore. It is giving all your pain, and what you have lost to God so that He may restore all lost and heal your wounds. It is a decision that could be made in prayer and by the grace of God. When our hearts seem to be so filled with anger, sometimes it is enough that we know we ought to forgive and desire it even if we cannot bring ourselves to it at first. If we go to prayer rather than revenge, it is God who makes His way to heal our hearts and move them towards the forgiveness that He commands us to do. What about reconciliation? What is it?

Based on the Gospel, reconciliation requires that we be honest with our feelings first not with the intention to attack but with the hope that the other will listen. There is also hope that a change will happen for the better through it. This is not just for one party because it is easier to shift the blame except for abuses and manipulations where they are clearly in the wrong. In the canticle of Saint Francis, we sing “To be understood as to understand”. If we truly listen, then we will also be listened to. Listening is the beginning of understanding.

Jesus says that after telling the one at fault what he has done, and they still refuse to listen, bring them to two or three witnesses. Bring out someone who knows your journey, whom you can trust, and who clearly desires what is good for you both. Someone who will not fuel the fire of anger. Lastly, if the person still did not listen, bring him to the Church. Perhaps a larger group of people who share the same qualities mentioned. If all has been said and done, you do not just completely cut off the relationship with the person. By treating the person like a tax collector, there is still a place for him in your life though it is sort of a distant one. There is still a tiny opening where the person can enter if later on, he realizes his mistake and wishes to change. A true Christian must welcome such a person and not condemn him. This way, we become like the Lord who always gives chances to people like us who repeatedly sin but are given countless chances to amend our lives through confession.

So, we must be also with others by following these steps that God told us. May His grace and blessing soften our hearts to forgiveness and reconciliation so that we may always do His will, what is good, pleasing, and perfect.

Amen. +

Marga de Jesus | OLA Social Communications